I used to feel comfortable removing my hijab in women’s-only spaces. But people post photos of everything on social media now.

Anmol Irfan says she no longer feels comfortable removing her hijab at women’s-only social events.

Last week, while scrolling through Instagram, I stopped on my gym trainer’s latest story. It wasn’t unusual for her to post, and I was going to scroll right past until I realized that this particular video was of the class I had attended that day.

For most people, this wouldn’t mean much; these days, it’s common to document everything on social media. But it was jarring and very unexpected to see myself on someone’s Instagram without a hijab. This class was supposed to be a women-only space, and I had dressed accordingly. But now I felt uncomfortable at the thought of not only being filmed without knowing but also having that video posted on a public platform.

I’ve asked people to be mindful of what they post

It may only have been a few seconds, but it was enough for me to see myself clearly, which meant other viewers would, too. When I messaged my trainer asking her to take it down, she did, thankfully. But her response, trying to justify it and make it seem like her posting wasn’t that big a deal, made me feel as if she didn’t take my concern too seriously.

This isn’t the first time this has happened to me. It’s not even the first time this has happened to me in a gym class, despite my multiple reminders not to take pictures or videos of me without a hijab to both my instructors and people around me every time I’m in a women-only space.

I’ve had friends accidentally post Snapchats of a group gathering. A few years ago, for a friend’s pre-wedding event, we decided to celebrate with a relaxing girl-only pool day. It wasn’t relaxing for me; I spent half the event either taking group pictures for everyone else or sitting in a corner to avoid being in everyone’s videos.

Though I have asked people to be careful to make sure I’m not in any pictures, I’ve become increasingly uncomfortable at these women-only gatherings. I’ve felt like I’m asking for too much.

I know that none of this is done maliciously, and I don’t hold anyone at fault. Most often my request probably slipped the other person’s mind.

The way we post on social media has made me feel like an outsider

Asking someone not to post on social media can be awkward. And while this is no one’s fault, it has made me feel like an outsider, even in Pakistan, my own country, and my community. More than that, it means my relationship with my hijab has also slowly changed over the years, as there are fewer spaces where I feel comfortable being without it outside of the comfort of my home.

When I attended a baby shower last month, I dressed in hijab even though the guests were only women. A few people even asked me why I had chosen to do so, given that no men were present. I gave vague answers to some, unsure of how to word it in a way that wouldn’t make me seem overly anxious or like I was accusing anyone of anything preemptively.

I am now hyperaware when I’m not in hijab that I might still be seen by people who I don’t want to be seen by because someone posted photos of the event I’m attending. I feel more comfortable being in my hijab at social events because when I’m not, a part of me is on the lookout for a camera — and as a result, I end up enjoying events a lot less. Ironically, the digital tools that are meant to make us more connected are perhaps the very reason I feel a bit more isolated.