I dated a man 20 years older than me. He helped me jump-start my career and open up emotionally.

The author, not pictured, was in an age-gap relationship.

A few weeks after blowing out my 25th birthday candles, I started working at an organic grocery store. I felt miserable and cried to my friend after my very first day on the job.

At the time, I struggled to find advertising or documentary production opportunities, so I was forced to take the grocery store job to help pay my rent.

On a late afternoon near the end of August, a man with curly gray hair came in to shop. As I approached the juice aisle to do some restocking, I saw the man standing there — focused on choosing the right apple juice. Since the man was right where I needed to place the ladder, I thought I might as well ask him to move one of the bottles from the top shelf to make room. He looked at me surprised and then complied. He asked if he had done it correctly. I said yes and left.

The curly-haired man returned during one of my last Saturday morning shifts. This time, we chatted a bit more as I scanned his items. I was always on the hunt for a new gig, so I offered to babysit his kids and gave him my number.

From there, he helped jump-start my professional career and my romantic life.

He got me a job at a production company

I was at the playground with Curly Gray Hair and his kids one day. Our conversation shifted quickly from babysitting to discussing our respective careers. I told him that I was looking for a production assistant job in the film industry. His immediate response was to ask me more specific questions, and eventually, he offered to reach out to some of his contacts. I learned Curly Gray Hair worked in advertising, so he knew some people in production.

After talking about our careers, we talked about life, age, and passions. I learned he was 20 years older than me. Naturally, we ended up discussing love and what we wanted in relationships.

He offered to see me again. I enjoyed our first meeting and talking to him, so I said I would consider his offer. My main focus was still on finding a job.

One week later, he sent my CV to several production companies. In 30 minutes, I received a positive call from a producer.

When I landed that freelance gig, Curly Gray Hair and I were both stressed. Although he trusted me and believed in me, he told me to be careful and not mess it up. And I was afraid it would all backfire. I didn’t know how closely this man was connected to that company, and I feared I was building the wrong reputation.

All my worries faded pretty quickly; nobody knew him personally or had any deep work connections with him. And I performed well; I freelanced for that company for a year.

I was more than grateful for the connection; it was my first step into the industry I always wanted to work in.

We soon became romantically involved

My life was a bit messy around the time I started the new job. But Curly Gray Hair felt like a good thing in my life — especially because we became more romantic. Three months after he got me that job, we decided to give a romantic relationship a shot. I was initially nervous to start something with him because of our age difference, but we were very flirtatious and it felt right.

Despite our age gap, I thought our relationship worked. We shared common values, and he helped me open up emotionally. He even challenged me in good ways so that I could grow.

But it didn’t last long. After nine months together, we called it quits. He had his own expectations and issues, while my anxiety around love and romantic relationships kicked back in.

I told him before our separation that he not only opened the doors for me professionally but also helped me open my heart. I’m a guarded person, and I’ve never fallen in love, but I believe our relationship was loving. That was a first for me.

I appreciated Curly Gray Hair’s maturity and what he saw in me. I felt seen and validated, which is exactly what I needed during that difficult time in my life.