I’ve been going to the gym regularly for 25 years and still don’t look like a fitness model. I’m learning to be OK with that.

The author, not pictured, is trying to let go of his dream body.

I’m 43 and have been active for most of my life, competing in various sports and physical challenges. In the last four decades, I’ve run seven-mile obstacle courses, fought in kickboxing competitions, and regularly outrun many people in 5ks.

But in all my years of physical activity, I’ve never once looked at my reflection and thought, “Yup, that’s the face and body of a fitness model.” I struggled to accept what I saw in the mirror, especially after all the time I put into physical exercise.

But after 25 years of regular gym time, I’m finally OK with not looking like an Adonis.

I long dreamed of having an athletic, muscular body

When I was growing up, big muscles were the goal; the preferred notions of physical male perfection focused heavily on size and definition. As a slightly overweight youth, I looked up to titans Arnold Schwarzenegger and Hulk Hogan. I was eager to embrace a similar physical transformation when I started working out regularly.

Imagine my surprise when, instead of becoming my childhood idols, my body stayed relatively average. There was some strength and some definition, and I could probably squeeze into an office air duct, but I was no Schwarzenegger.

The closest I ever got to my dream body was in my early 20s. During those years, I trained in martial arts three hours a day, three days a week, and ran three miles every other day. At my peak, I weighed 165 and had abs like Spider-Man.

Granted, I ate spaghetti five nights a week and not much else. My primary health goal was to look good naked. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that “look good naked” can translate to “voluntary starvation.”

When the Marvel movies started becoming popular years later, I spent a lot of time searching for exercises and workouts that could make me look even a little like the big-screen superheroes. And while the workouts always provide a fun challenge, I have yet to hear anyone at my gym look upon my hard work and say, “Looking good, Cap!”

I’m now trying to accept my body as I age

These days, my workouts tend to focus more on aerobic and full-body strength training. I stretch daily and maintain a healthy diet, but my body still occasionally decides to have a tantrum.

For example, I threw my back at once while carrying a bag across a room. I didn’t even make it five feet before my lower back muscles declared a strike and walked off the job. It wasn’t even a heavy bag.

I don’t remember dealing with this when I was young, and I resent the change. If I could swap out body parts as easily as one can switch out brake pads, I would do so quarterly.

Time constraints also significantly influence my exercise decisions as I age. Since I can no longer afford to spend two or three hours a day at the gym, I have to plan my workouts to be completed in an hour, from start to finish.

Some days after a workout, I look in the mirror and think, “Yeah, not seeing any real difference today.” That image of me being a fitness model still feels a long way off, but at my age, that is OK because some days, I think, “Oh, there’s the definition. Go me.” I just have to accept where I am now.

So, while I’ve never managed to look like a fitness model, I now realize that I still look pretty good for my age.