My wife and I couldn’t decide whose last name to adopt, so we created a new one that has a deeper meaning for us

The author, left, and her wife created a new name when they married. 

Before I came out as a lesbian, I was sure I wouldn’t adopt the last name of my future husband. I knew I was going to be a writer and felt that I wanted to have a name that I could build a brand around, and like many closeted lesbians, I was sure I wouldn’t be getting married until well into my career and my 40s. Thankfully, I made a lot of realizations six years ago when I met my now-wife. It also meant I had to revisit my previous stance on name changes. Since I found my forever partner, I actually wanted us to be tied together in name and in life.

But choosing whose name to pick became more challenging as we stripped away traditional gender roles. I could have pushed for us to use my name if I really wanted to keep the name attached to my bylines, but again, since we weren’t relying on heteronormative practices telling us what to do, giving Taryn my last name didn’t feel very symbolic. It became a transformative choice to decide upon a new married name for ourselves and our future children.

We looked at other last names, but nothing felt quite right

One thing remained true: I am a writer, and my other half is an artist. We both needed a name that could represent us in our aspiring careers. It felt silly to go on a last-name generator website, but it seemed like a good start to find some different options and see if anything sparked inspiration. It gave us a list — Cooper, Gardner, Baker, Stewart — but none of these last names felt right with either or both of our names.

I started to feel like I was undergoing a small identity crisis. This name was going to define me for the rest of my life. At least with my maiden name, I had 25 years to get attached to it. I might not have picked it myself, but it was the only thing I had ever known.

The author never thought she’d change her last name. 

We decided to create a new name for ourselves

But then there was this moment where Taryn and I thought about creating a new name that tied us to our past and future. We tried different ways of combining our names phonetically. My last name was Ruffino, and hers was Smith. What we got was Suffino. It was the easiest combination that felt good on the ears. I looked up the name, and it had no origins at all. It also didn’t quite look right to us, like a cheesy ship name.

That’s when I really got to work researching different prefixes and suffixes. I knew “ino” from my last name meant little. When I looked at other ways to get that same “suff” or “saff” sound, I was reminded of the word sapphire, which also happened to be the stones we chose for our engagement rings.

Not to totally geek out, but the root origin of the word sapphire comes from the Greek word sappheiros, which means “blue gemstone.” If we spelled our name Sapphino, we would get the meaning “little blue.”

Another hidden meaning in the name is the origin of sapphic. Yes, the word that relates to lesbians. Sappho was the name of a famous Greek poet who wrote about her love of women. Long story short, our name can also be interpreted as “little lesbian” (my personal favorite).

And thus, the Sapphinos were born. It didn’t take long to get used to at all. It felt right and the perfect way to share our identity with each other and the world. I’m just as excited to see where the name Kylie Sapphino takes me as I am to pass it down to my own family, knowing that it has such a special meaning to us and our story.