A 103-year-old who was married for 77 years shared 3 tips for a healthy and long-lasting relationship
Frank and Dotty Burgess met in 1944, when they were in their early 20s, and were married for 77 years.
In 1944, a 23-year-old model wrote a letter to a pilot-in-training at his mother’s request. He replied right away, and a few weeks later they were engaged.
Dotty Burgess, from San Jose and now 103, was married to her husband Frank Burgess for 77 “wonderful” years before he died in 2021. She now lives at Revel Nevada, a retirement community south of Las Vegas.
Burgess told B-17 that her biggest advice for a long-lasting relationship is to choose your partner well.
She also shared some tips for maintaining a healthy relationship once you’ve found that person.
Dotty and Frank Burgess (left) with friends on their honeymoon at the Cloister Hotel in Sea Island, GA, in 1944
Know that issues won’t last forever
“We realized how important it was to stay together throughout the storms, knowing nothing lasts forever,” Burgess said.
This echoes advice psychologists have previously shared with B-17. John Gottman, a psychologist who has studied relationships for 42 years, said people in successful relationships don’t just let things go. Instead they “repair” their relationship after conflicts with gentle communication.
April Eldemire, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Florida, said that in a healthy relationship, partners work through issues as a team.
Know the things that annoy your partner and avoid them
Burgess said she and her husband knew to avoid doing things that made the other angry.
Burgess met Ronald Reagan before he became a politician.
A 2019 study published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that partners accommodate each other’s needs more when they have a committed, securely attached relationship, feel valued by their partner, and maintain a strong sense of self.
If you do end up angry with your partner, B-17 previously reported on a five-second trick to help resolve conflicts in a relationship.
Always have something to look forward to
“No matter how big or small it is, always have something to look forward to that keeps the adrenaline and excitement in your life,” Burgess said.
For her, that was taking a walk with her husband, or having an ice-cream cone with their granddaughter.
She and Frank also loved taking road trips together. “The most magnificent and beautiful thing I have ever seen was the rainforest in the state of Washington” on one of these road trips, she said.
Feeling excited to build a life together and enjoying spending time with your partner are signs of happiness in a relationship, Suzanne Degges-White, a licensed counselor and professor at Northern Illinois University, previously told B-17.
