A shooting near my son’s daycare center prompted us to move from California to Japan. I feel safer here.

Doi and her family relocated from California to Osaka, Japan, in 2022.

My husband is Japanese and moving to his homeland was always an option. A shooting near my son’s school in Los Angeles escalated our plans.

In 2019, when my son was 2, a shooting took place at a shopping mall near his daycare center. The police shut down the whole area. For 40 minutes, I knew that there was someone with a gun near my child’s school, and there was nothing I could do about it.

I thought, the one thing I could do is just move out of here.

So in 2022, after pandemic restrictions were lifted, we moved as a family to Osaka, Japan. Our kids were 5 years old and just 6 months at the time.

We spend less on childcare and rent in Japan

Raising young kids in the US was not sustainable even with two incomes. Despite our careers — I work as a lawyer while my husband is a producer — we found childcare expensive. At one point, my husband and I were spending around $1,700 a month for my kindergarten-age son and around $2,200 a month for our baby.

In Japan, my son attends an international school because he’s not yet fluent in Japanese. However, our daughter goes to a free childcare center. Where we live, the city subsidizes childcare costs for the second child.

In California, we spent $3,700 a month on the mortgage of our 3-bedroom house. Our rent here is $1,200 monthly, and we live in a 5-bedroom home. Although we have no yard and only enough space to park one car, there are plenty of parks nearby.

One car here is enough; public transportation is convenient, and my husband and I work remotely.

I love the emphasis on healthy eating in Japan

Doi appreciates the balanced lifestyle in Japan. 

My daughter’s day care center provides her with a healthy and balanced lunch, afternoon snack, and tea. And all that’s free; they even have a nutritionist who plans all of their meals.

While my baby loves vegetables and fruit, my older child, who was mostly raised in the US, is not a huge fan. He prefers ice cream, chocolate, and processed foods. He also has no interest in tea, while his baby sister is a fan.

The pace of life is slower

The pace of life was much faster in LA. Everyone was focused on making money and working hard. I knew people working two or three jobs, and they drove fast to get from place to place and fill their time with activities.

In Japan, I find that people are more focused on well-being and health. They maintain a balance between their lives and their homes, so I’m more conscious of my health here.

Still, the lack of diversity is a challenge

In the US, I went to school and worked with people from all sorts of backgrounds. But here, most of the population is Japanese — or 97.5%, according to the CIA. It was a culture shock to see only one type of ethnicity all around me at all times.

As a Korean American, I’m not Japanese, but I look Japanese. At times, other people will assume I’m local and expect a certain kind of behavior. For example, women dress conservatively in Japan. But if it’s hot outside, I’ll wear a tank top and shorts. And people will stare at me as if I’m a crazy person because most married women with children don’t dress like that.

In Japan, there are very clear lines on manners, respect, and what is acceptable and what is not. Coming from the US, this expectation that everyone has to follow certain rules was new to me.

I feel that pressure to conform, but as an American, I also reject it. So whenever that pressure becomes too strong or stresses me out, I’ll just leave for a break. We’ll go to Hawaii for a week or return to California for the summer.

We’ve also taken advantage of exploring the countries nearby. Hong Kong, China, and South Korea are all just a short flight away.

Getting my kids out of the US helped with parental anxiety

My son was upset when we told him our plans to move. “What about my friends, my school, my grandparents here, and my toys?” he asked.

We tried to prepare him for a year by just talking about how exciting this change would be. We even visited the new school in Japan before we moved. In the end, it was a smooth transition for him, and he loves living here now.

Doi’s son was initially upset that the family was relocating but transitioned smoothly to the new environment.

One thing I’ve had to get used to is how independent kids are encouraged to be. You’ll see children go to the store alone to run an errand for their parents or get on a bus alone.

Since we moved, over the past almost two years, gun violence in the US has continued. It just keeps happening. So I’m grateful that I could get my children out of that environment.

In Japan, there’s so much trust in safety that you can send your 5-year-old to the shopping mall by themselves, and they will be fine.

We plan to stay in Japan until my kids finish high school, as I want them to have a stable community during their school-age years.

But once they graduate and hopefully go off and do their own things as independent adults, my husband and I can do whatever we want and live wherever we want. We’ll see.