After having 2 kids, I realized I wanted more. I put my career on hold to be a present mom.
The author says she can’t imagine returning to the workforce at all after having kids.
If you would have told me five years ago that I would be pregnant with my third child and have left my career, I would have said you were insane.
I always knew I wanted to be a mother. I never questioned that. I thought motherhood would be one of my greatest accomplishments; I just didn’t want it to be my only accomplishment. I knew women whose sole goal in life was to become a mom, and that wasn’t my path.
The world was big and there were many places to go. The two priorities in my 20s were my career and traveling. I didn’t knowingly hold these two ideas as the measuring block for every decision I made, but they made every decision nonetheless.
My plan was that I would have two children max, and while I would be absolutely devoted to them, my career would be equally important. I would balance both. Having more than two kids wouldn’t be possible. I still wanted a life; I still wanted to travel; I still wanted a successful career.
Going from 0 kids to 1 was hard
When I had my first son, my world was shaken up. I was battling postpartum anxiety and mourning the loss of my independence, something I fiercely protected for years. I had this new, adorable little human who was relying on me for everything, and it felt incredibly overwhelming.
Once my mind and body settled down, we found our groove in parenthood. And while things were different, a lot of it looked the same. My husband and I decided that while our children would be our priority, it was important to weave them into our life, rather than orbiting around theirs. We wanted to expose them to the loves of our lives — traveling, sailing, the ocean — and we felt it important for them to recognize their parents had passions, too.
Getting pregnant with our second was a no-brainer. It was part of the plan.
I immediately wanted a third child
Then the most unexpected thing happened. While I looked down at my second child as he peacefully took a milk-drunk newborn nap on my chest, I knew I wanted another one. This was most certainly not part of the plan. Thinking about having a third while I was freshly postpartum with my second felt absolutely unhinged. And absolutely right at the same time.
Last year I would never have imagined taking a leave of absence from my career to focus on my family. But life felt off. I rushed to get out of the door in the morning, I rushed to pick them up from daycare after work, I rushed through dinner so they could get to bed on time.
None of it felt good. And I was constantly left with the question, “What are we doing?” The more I discussed hitting the pause button on my career, the more it made sense.
The leave of absence allowed us to slow down the furious pace of our lives by breathing more time and space into our days. Things ran more smoothly. Suddenly there was time for making sprinkle pancakes on weekday mornings and space to read more than one book together before bed.
Now, I can’t imagine returning to the workplace at all. I feel pulled to continue to focus on my family, as I’m on the verge of giving birth to a third baby I so clearly knew was meant to be part of our family. I couldn’t be more excited.
We should be flexible with our life plans
I tell my sons, “You can always change your mind.” As adults, we need to remember this as well. It’s important to approach life with forethought and plans, but equally important to approach it with a notion of flexibility, allowing ourselves the possibility of altering the game plan.
We should have goals, work furiously toward them, but allow ourselves the gift of changing our minds and rerouting our path if a different road beckons us ahead.
Motherhood has been the biggest surprise of my life. I’m so thankful to my firstborn, who shook up my life in a way that allowed the pieces to settle into something even more beautiful. Was diverting from the plan worth it? All signs point to yes.
