Dads are work-from-home winners — but ditching the office has downsides

Working from home lets some dads spend more time with their kids, but has also come with costs.

The work-from-home revolution has transformed family life, encouraging and allowing many fathers to spend more time with their children. But the seismic shift has come with downsides.

Not commuting to work has freed more dads to have meals with their kids, pick them up and drop them off at day care or school, and enjoy some pre-dinner playtime.

Working fathers who were once oblivious to what their partners did all day, from running the house to raising the kids, had their eyes opened during pandemic lockdowns.

Some are now more understanding and able to help, with those in heterosexual couples no longer defaulting to moms taking care of everything.

“Having fathers work remotely is generally good for families,” Daniel Carlson, the interim chair of the University of Utah’s department of family and consumer studies, told B-17.

“Most dads want to be engaged with their home and children and so it offers them the opportunity to do so. For those not inclined to be engaged at home, it can expose them to all the demands of home they may otherwise miss. It sensitizes them to how much their partners have to do and leads them to want to share the load.”

Carlson noted that many families have two working partners, but the female partners “often shoulder a second shift of domestic labor and childcare. So, if dads can work from home, even if it’s just occasionally, then this can lead to a more equitable division of labor in families.”

Pluses and minuses

Yet Carlson noted that a WFH father isn’t a magical cure for families.

“Remote work is not a panacea. While it has benefits, it can also have costs,” he said.

“Remote work can solve work-family conflicts as well as create them,” he continued. “The question is how remote work fits into your life. It’s not so much whether people work remotely, it’s whether they have the option to do so, and the support to make it work for them.”

Having two people share a typically small space can lead to feelings of claustrophobia and spark arguments over who does more chores or more childcare.

Work can also creep into the home (think logging on after dinner or checking emails in bed), which can fuel stress and resentment, and make it harder for people to switch off.

On the other hand, some people may feel pressure to complete household tasks during the working day. They might also feel obliged to run errands, such as mailing a package or picking up food for dinner.

“The parent who’s working from home becomes the housewife,” Jennifer Glass, a sociology professor at the University of Texas, Austin, told Vox last year. She said that was especially true for mothers but applied to fathers too.

There’s also a risk of isolation and loneliness among the WFH crowd if they miss out on water-cooler conversations, after-work drinks, and office sports. They can become detached from their teams as longtime colleagues leave and new faces join, particularly if they only ever communicate virtually.

Childcare concerns

The lack of a commute and reduced presence in society could also mean people get less exercise each day and develop unhealthy habits. They might also fear they’re less likely to be promoted, or at greater risk of being laid off, if they’re never in the office.

There’s also a heightened chance of distraction or disruption when parents are in the same room as children or just a door knock away. They might be asked to watch the baby, pick up a sick toddler from day care and look after them for the rest of the day, or take their child to a doctor’s appointment.

“Both mums and dads can get pulled into childcare when they WFH, so for both genders this is definitely an issue,” Nicholas Bloom, a Stanford economics professor, told B-17.

He noted that studies show that moms are far more likely to be called upon in childcare emergencies than dads. He also suggested disruption might be necessary if there’s no alternative.

It’s easy to see how having children can magnify the downsides of WFH. Sleep deprivation from staying up all night with a newborn can stoke arguments between partners. More people in the house mean more dishes and tidying up to do.

The demands of childcare can also make it harder to finish work tasks during the working day, or to find time to meet friends, fueling stress and loneliness.

Finding the right balance

There’s significant variance in how much WFH is best for a particular employee’s health, Bloom told B-17.

Bloom, who’s part of the WFH Research team behind the US Survey of Working Arrangements and Attitudes (SWAA), said about a quarter of respondents “love fully remote as they might live near a park or a gym, or just having the time and peace to WFH is great for exercise.”

Close to half of people like a hybrid model or mix of in-person and home working. The final quarter prefers going to work every day, perhaps because of the social benefits and ease of joining team activities, Bloom said.

“I do find WFH saves on the commute, about one hour per day for the typical person, and that’s a lot of time,” he said. Bloom noted that he clocks a 50-minute run during the time saved from commuting most days.

“So my sense is the best WFH for employees’ health is the one they choose.”

If he’s correct, dads experiencing some of the challenges of staying home might consider going to work more. But that’s not always feasible if they’re needed at home to care for a child or other relative.