I begged my daughter not to go away for college and instead stay home. She refused, and I can’t let go of my fear.

The author, not pictured, wants his daughter to avoid college dorms.

I remember my college days like they were yesterday: fun nights out, crazy parties, girls, and shameless walks back to my dorm. I saw my learning experience away from home as one big party, and it was.

They say the older you get, the wiser you become, and now I wish I had made better decisions. I completed my college education with some mediocre grades, but I would have done so much better if I had put my mind to it.

These things make me skeptical of my daughter’s first experience in college. Although we are different people with different lives and stories, my personal experience and watching a couple of people I know not graduate from college makes me feel like sheltering her is the best thing to do.

I want my daughter to live at home

I fearfully counted down the years until my daughter, Sydney, heads off to college: five years, four years, three years, two years. This year, it finally hit me that it’s the year she’s enrolling in college.

Time flies by so fast, and I suddenly feel overwhelmed by the decision to let her live in a college dorm room. Living at home is the most appealing option as it guarantees my peace of mind.

When my daughter started talking about college, I immediately thought of transforming my garage into a living space for her. I decked it out with everything she would ever need, so she would be comfortable.

But this idea has caused a lot of tussle at home

Sydney and I have been constantly arguing about her college living arrangements. I would like her to live at home and commute to college, while she wants to experience college in the typical way by living on-campus in the dorms.

Our differences are straining our relationship. We constantly argue about the pros and cons of living in a college dorm.

This also has been causing friction between my wife and me, as she thinks I’m being too hard on our daughter and should adjust my thinking.

I’m just scared for my daughter

What my family doesn’t realize is that deep down, I’m dealing with fear.

It’s scary for parents when kids transition to college and start finding their independence. I’m slowly but surely realizing that my daughter Sydney no longer needs me for the things she once did. She can drive herself around, interact with whoever she wants, and doesn’t need to keep a curfew.

While I’m comfortable that I’ve taught her well, and she is of age, you can never tell if she’ll be safe in this modern society. That’s where a lot of my skepticism comes from.

Most parents would say that when you raise a child in the right way, they can confidently take on the world. I guess some parents like me take a little too long to find acceptance. Trying to let go and deal with the fear that plagues me is a journey.

I’m learning to let go

If my daughter lived at college, I could connect with her online, visit, and send care packages now and again, but I would have to let go to do that. It’s the most challenging part, but I’m willing to take steps and trust that she will be OK.

This doesn’t mean I’m ready to furnish her college room at the moment but that I’m finding ways to put my needs aside by realizing that it’s not about me but what she needs for a bright future.

I’m also learning that it’s OK to feel the pain when necessary life changes are separating you from your kids. We all experience changes in unique ways.

Finally, it’s important to find ways to cope with separation. When your child is off to college, you won’t see them every day, but both of you can take small steps to keep in touch and maintain communication while occasionally checking in.

I’ve also found that listening to and validating my daughter’s feelings makes her feel heard, even if we disagree on the result. I try to be kind in explaining my college experience and my great concern for her living in school. Mostly, she disagrees with my sentiments, but she understands where I’m coming from.

There have been endless arguments about enrolling my daughter Sydney in college, but I’m taking conscious steps to ensure she and my wife are happy. I’m only trying to cut the cord slowly.