I decluttered too much after my 2nd child was born with multiple disabilities. I regret tossing so much.

I eventually had to repurchase an entire maternity wardrobe I’d thrown out.

I’ve always been a bit of a neat freak. Ever since I was a kid, being organized made me feel calm.

As an adult, I now realize that cleaning makes me feel in control when life is anything but controllable.

That’s why, when I was pregnant with my firstborn, I channeled my pregnancy stress into cleaning, organizing, and decluttering our whole house.

I alphabetized my CD collection, rearranged the living room furniture, and donated old clothes, kitchen gadgets, and books I knew I’d never read again.

I tried to feel as together as possible because I knew I would soon be up all night with a crying baby and little time for anything else.

I took organizing to another extreme when my second baby was born with multiple disabilities

When I was pregnant with my second baby, I didn’t have as much time or energy to nest because I had a toddler daughter and a full-time job.

Plus, I knew the basics of caring for a newborn and didn’t feel the need to pre-plan as much.

It wasn’t until after my second baby was born sick and diagnosed with multiple severe disabilities that I took decluttering to a new extreme.

The significant change in the trajectory of my life, and my family’s, made me want to wipe the slate clean.

I donated anything I didn’t use daily, such as hard copies of paperwork, old greeting cards, and outdated photos.

Around the same time as my son was born, my mom moved out of my childhood home which opened up an opportunity to get rid of even more stuff I had been holding onto there.

Purging felt good. It gave my brain space for the mental load of making medical decisions and caring for my son.

I had no desire to hold onto holiday cards from my teens or maternity clothes I didn’t know if I would ever use again.

However, looking back on it, I tossed too much.

I was sad about some of the items I no longer had

I lost track of a collection of over 300 Babysitter Club Books I had been saving at my mom’s house to give my daughter. We searched used bookstores and Facebook Marketplace for those same stories, which was fun, but we never completed the collection, and that saddened me.

I also purged fun items from growing up in the 80s, like my plastic, charm necklace and Caboodles. They seemed silly and dispensable at the time. Looking back, it would have been fun to show my kids what I played with when I was their age.

Plus, I eventually needed my maternity clothes again, so I had to shop from scratch and build a new wardrobe.

Extreme purging was liberating but I’m no longer in that headspace

Overall, the experience made me less attached to personal items and made it easier for me to move houses several years later when we needed a more wheelchair-accessible home for my son.

Recognizing that stuff is just stuff was liberating. However, for now, I’m holding onto the new collections I’ve created.

In my basement, I have a stockpile of clothes my kids have outgrown, their favorite childhood stories, and way too many pieces of artwork. I even keep the daycare reports from each day they were dropped off at the center.

While I like to think I’ll make a blanket out of their clothes and hold onto the picture books for potential grandkids, I also know that life doesn’t always go as planned.

There’s a fine line between holding onto items that bring me comfort and having a clear head. And in the end, I’ve learned stuff doesn’t make a home, it’s the people who live there that do.