I didn’t expect to become a ‘trad wife,’ but taking care of my husband eases my anxiety. I couldn’t be happier in my marriage.

The author, not pictured, loves being a “trad wife.”

My journey to becoming a “trad wife” — or traditional wife — started in 2012 when I made dinner for a man I barely knew. He was from another country and had recently moved into my building. We chatted daily, usually over a cup of Turkish tea he would bring me. Earlier that evening, he had knocked on my door to ask how to make the box of Hamburger Helper that he held. He couldn’t read English. It was easier to make it for him than explain.

I was widowed. He was divorced. Neither of us was looking for a new relationship. But fate had other plans.

That night, I knew in my heart that I would marry him. I also knew I wanted to be the kind of old-fashioned wife we now call a trad wife. I did both of those, and I have never regretted either decision.

I learned a new way to be a wife

My mother was a strong, single mother. My dad left us when I was 7, forcing her into that position. But I am grateful for what she taught me. She told me that a woman needs to be strong on her own. Her husband won’t always be there to take care of her.

At the start of our marriage, I worked a corporate job. I was away from home for over 60+ hours a week. As the one who spoke better English, I dealt with most issues. My husband did most of the housework since he was home more than I was. But it became clear that I wasn’t happy with my role in our relationship or with my life. I had terrible anxiety, and my health was going downhill.

In 2019, my husband and I decided to move to his home country in Eastern Europe. I knew it would be a big change, and when we moved, things switched. My husband spoke the language and knew the culture, while I didn’t.

It took a bit of getting used to. Even though it was what I wanted, I was stubborn about it because of where I came from and what I was taught. But my husband was patient and didn’t demand change. I didn’t have to work a job. I could stay home. I could “indulge” in all the homemaker things I had been longing to do for so long. I could become the wife that my husband needed.

I’m redefining trad wife for myself

The stereotype of a trad wife has become a woman who has lots of kids, cooks everything from scratch, doesn’t earn any money, and follows “traditional” gender roles. And though these stereotypes may be true for some, they are not all-inclusive.

To me, a “trad wife” isn’t about how many kids you have. It isn’t about making your kid’s cereal from scratch. It isn’t about pining to live in a bygone era. It isn’t even about who controls the money or who makes it.

I am a writer and don’t hand over my paychecks to my husband. I am the one who takes care of the money and makes sure all the bills get paid. I just happen to be better at it, and he agrees.

Being a TradWife for me means wanting the best for my husband. It means respecting his opinion and admitting that he has more knowledge in a subject than I do. It means accepting his help and care. It means always holding him in a positive light for others. It means keeping private things private.

It means acknowledging that he is an adult. I don’t need to micromanage him. It means trusting that he will fulfill his duties. Those duties may fall into gendered stereotypes. They may not. That is for us to decide.

Of course, the opposite of the above is also true. My husband respects and cares for me.

Being a traditional wife means I am secure in my place in this world and in my marriage. Most of my anxiety has gone away. I have been able to let go of the idea that I need to be “more.” I am enough — enough for my husband and enough for myself.