I felt judged for getting divorced at 26. The process taught me what I wanted from my second marriage.

I felt judged for getting divorced at 26. The process taught me what I wanted from my second marriage.

I met my first husband when I was a freshman in college, marrying him a few years later when I was 23.

In hindsight, it’s crazy how young and inexperienced I was. He was two grades older, so when he graduated college and moved away to Canada, we did long distance while I stayed in Dallas. After I graduated, we had discussions about whether we should keep committing to the relationship or break up.

Because we were at such a crossroads, we ended up getting engaged.

But a few years later, I filed for divorce at 26. Our relationship felt like forcing a square peg through a round hole. I remember staying in the marriage because I felt obligated to keep trying.

The divorce taught me a lot about what I wanted out of life. I was more confident in myself and what I was looking for in a partner. So when I reconnected with Tom, a childhood sweetheart I had a week-long relationship with on vacation when I was 14, I felt more sure of him and our new partnership. We couldn’t stop talking to each other and were aligned on so many things, even if we didn’t have our future completely mapped out yet.

I got engaged and married again at 27.

As hard as the divorce was, it also led me to a second marriage that makes me feel so much happier.

I always cried on my birthday

I didn’t live with my first husband before we got married. Right after the wedding, I moved from Texas to Canada to live with him.

As soon as the dust settled, the newlywed glow faded, and I was trying to settle in his hometown. I was determined to make the most out of my new life, setting out to find my new group of friends and my career path.

It was challenging. I felt like I never had my own identity.

I cried every year on my birthday. After my 25th, I noticed I was crying more often, keeping a tally. Still, two years in felt too soon to divorce.

I confided in a friend, who pointed out that I was supposed to be in the happiest years of my marriage. I was only 26, she said. Was this how I wanted to live the rest of my life?

It was a big realization for me, someone who’s always viewed marriage as a sacred commitment. I knew that divorce was the best call for both of us.

I cut out friends who judged me for divorcing

I grew up in the Bible Belt and feared what my community would think. I threw this huge wedding, and after two and a half years, I felt like I was coming back to Dallas with my tail between my legs.

I was the first of my friends to get divorced, and learned some of them talked about me behind my back. I ended up cutting those friends out of my life.

At the same time, I learned who truly supported me. I shared a lot with my mom’s friend, a woman who also got divorced young and gave me advice on how to deal with the fallout. I leaned on therapy to help process the breakup and figure out my next steps.

As isolating and painful as the initial judgment was, once I was over it, I felt stronger than ever. I stopped caring so much about what people thought of me. They weren’t the ones living my marriage.

My second marriage feels completely different

Because I’ve spoken about my relationship online, I always preface that marrying someone so quickly after getting divorced is not the norm. But in my case, I knew Tom for a long time, and we already had a strong foundation when we reconnected.

Monica and Tom Millington.

We had stayed in touch on social media but only met up once since we met in Mexico as teenagers: when I was 21 I visited him in London, where he lived.

Years later, he sent me one of his annual “happy birthday” messages and asked how I was doing. I filled him in on the divorce, and we started chatting a lot again. We decided to FaceTime for the first time.

We could not get enough of each other, and we agreed to meet in person. I was living in Singapore and made plans to meet him in London. We spent the whole day sharing what we wanted out of life.

We got married when I was 27 and now live in Singapore with our son.

Millington with her husband and son. 

I love how easily we communicate, and how naturally we’re on the same page with what we want from life.

I feel loved for exactly who I am. It’s a snowball effect where I get better and better because of how much he believes in me. I get a constant confidence boost because I know this man loves me so much.