I had no idea I was going through perimenopause at 39. It felt like a second puberty.

The author (not pictured) says perimenopause feels like second puberty. 

I’ve never considered myself a “sweets person.” Sure, I’ll look at the dessert menu, but more out of curiosity than from a desire to eat something sweet at the end of my meal.

Since 2021, I’ve probably eaten more chocolate-chip cookies, ice cream cones, Italian ice cups, and candy bars than I did during my entire childhood. Initially, I chalked it up to bad habits I picked up during the pandemic.

Then came the acne, fatigue, brain fog, night sweats, sleeplessness, and midsection weight gain. I knew something was going on in my body, but I had no language for it. It felt like I was going through puberty all over again — but how could that be in my late 30s?

Little did I know second puberty is not an official term but one used regularly when talking about perimenopause.

No one in my life was talking about perimenopause

A year later, I told some friends around my age about my sugar cravings, and both women confirmed that they, too, had been eating excess sweets, having brain fog, experiencing mood swings, and gaining belly fat. I realized that my situation wasn’t unique.

One of them, a registered nurse, referenced a term I had heard in passing but didn’t really understand: perimenopause. She explained that it was basically like “baby menopause,” with similar but sometimes fewer or milder symptoms.

Her explanation helped me understand why I always seemed to sweat excessively when no one else was. I went to the gym several days a week, taking barre, pilates, kickboxing, boxing, dance, and sometimes cycling, and while my arms and legs were sculpted and strong, my lower belly continued to grow.

You’d think with five older sisters, I’d have had some inkling that when I entered my late 30s or early 40s, I may come to expect this. But at age 39, when the symptoms seemed to reach a peak, I felt so unprepared, even betrayed to some degree. Why isn’t anyone around me talking about perimenopause? I heard about menopause but thought it was something that happened in your 50s. As an elder millennial, I feel we are unearthing things because previous generations thought they were too taboo.

What is perimenopause?

I contacted Brandye Manigat, a board-certified OB/GYN who specializes in midlife, perimenopause, and menopause transitions, to get some answers to my questions. She said there are several reasons women may shy away from talking about perimenopause.

Manigat said that perimenopause is the transitional period before entering menopause. “It’s typically somewhere around early to late 40s when women start to experience the symptoms, and it’s a constellation of things versus one single thing that you may notice,” she said.

In addition to the symptoms mentioned earlier, mine included subtle hot flashes, unusual waves of emotion, knee and back pain, painful cramps, and heavy bleeding during my periods.

The only way to know if you’re experiencing perimenopause is by talking to your doctor. When my symptoms first hit, I saw several different kinds of specialists to get answers, but perimenopause never crossed my mind until it was suggested by my doctor.

Here’s what I’m doing to deal with my perimenopause symptoms

Manigat said hot flashes, a common perimenopause symptom, can exacerbate dehydration. She recommends hydrating with electrolyte drink mixes.

Optimizing your sleep can also be helpful. “Inadequate sleep puts you in a state of fight-or-flight, which increases your cortisol, which not only deposits more fat into the abdominal area, but it also makes you crave sweets and carbs,” she said.

I won’t be slowing down on those fitness classes anytime soon, but I will be making some lifestyle changes at Manigat’s recommendation, like powering down my electronics earlier, reading before bed instead of watching TV, and taking long baths in the evening to relax to help with sleep.

It’s a lot easier to deal with something when you have people around you who can offer advice and ideas based on their experiences. So, my friends and I plan to talk about this at brunch, at the boxing workout, at the pool, at the nail salon, and at dinner with friends.

Sometimes, I feel a little silly about all of it. But I know that talking about perimenopause can be helpful to other women who are feeling the same way. Going forward, I’ll allow my feelings and show grace to myself and other women entering second puberty with no clue what they’re in store for.