I kept my last name after marrying my husband. I’m the one who went to medical school and want my legacy to last.

Rebecca Douglass and her family.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Rebecca Douglass, a 36-year-old general surgeon in Emporia, Kansas. The following has been edited for length and clarity.

I grew up in Lexington, Kentucky, and earned a chemistry degree from the University of Kentucky in 2012. I then went to the University of Pikeville for medical school and moved to Grand Rapids, Michigan, for my surgical residency in 2016.

I met my husband on Hinge in 2019 during my residency. We got engaged after three months and married eight months later. It was quick, but we knew we wanted to be together.

I kept my last name once we married and never considered taking his.

When we were making wedding arrangements, I was adamant that I wanted to keep my last name

My decision was mainly because I worked so hard to earn my degrees. When someone asks me why I kept my maiden name, I inform them that my husband didn’t go to medical school — I did.

It became important to me to keep my name professionally. If one day something happens, like we get divorced, I want to keep my legacy for my entire life.

It was also just easier to keep for administration purposes

When I met my husband, I was already well established in my residency and applying for attending surgeon positions.

It would be quite difficult to change my last name when I had already completed multiple research studies, obtained my license, and finished additional professional work that would then not be able to be searched easily and verified from my résumé.

My husband had no issues with me keeping my maiden name and even offered to take it. He didn’t in the end because we realized it wasn’t important to us. I socially go by his last name, but nothing legally has changed.

Keeping my name hasn’t caused any issues

Proving who I am in relation to my husband hasn’t been problematic, especially in this advanced age of technology.

I also have two young children who share my husband’s name, and we haven’t had any issues thus far. We agreed to this from the start.

My husband became a part-time stay-at-home dad during the pandemic

My husband had been previously married, and we looked after his son from his first marriage for half of the week during the pandemic. Now, we have my stepson for all his school breaks greater than three days.

I was pregnant during the pandemic, and because pregnant women were at higher risk, we decided that my husband would at least go to part time work when we had my stepson. My husband is an audio engineer, and much of his work is remote, but he had to decrease his hours significantly. We wouldn’t have been able to do that without my salary as a surgeon, though.

Once we had our son together and I finished my maternity leave, he became completely stay-at-home. Now, he does a little consulting work but is otherwise a full-time stay-at-home parent to our one- and three-year-olds.

He would prefer to be working but is making the sacrifice for me

He misses work but understands I’ve worked my whole life to become a physician. It matters regarding my identity, but it also makes more sense financially because I earn more.

He plans to increase his hours when the kids are both in school. He’ll still be the responsible parent to take them to and from school and after-school activities, so he won’t be able to go full time.

It’s only usually people over 65 who ask questions about our decisions

I’ve not faced any significant criticism, but sometimes people comment on the fact that I’ve not changed my name or that my husband stays at home. Younger people are fine with it. Not even my grandparents said anything, and my dad was actually happy that I was keeping the family name.

Everyone in my life has always known me to be a strong-headed woman, so if I say something is going to happen, they don’t question it.

If women want to keep their name, they should feel empowered to do that. Marriage is a commitment between two people — changing a name is just something on paper.