I moved to the US and send money back home every month. Since becoming a parent, I’ve had to set more boundaries around payments.

Guisse once turned down a request for a $2,500 loan from a relative.

This as-told-to essay is based on a transcribed conversation with Aissatou Guisse, a 31-year-old Microsoft employee in Atlanta about the pressure to send money home to relatives in Senegal. The following has been edited for length and clarity.

I grew up seeing my parents sending money back home to our relatives.

We’re from Senegal, but we moved to the US when I was eight years old. My dad got a green card in the lottery and moved to America in 2000. Once he got here, he saw that educational opportunities were better, so he decided to bring the rest of us along. Our family, including my mom and siblings, moved to the US a year later.

Once we’d moved abroad, family members in Senegal expected my parents to help out financially if needed. I wasn’t aware of the details at the time, but I think my parents contributed toward things like medical bills and plane tickets for other relatives.

I was raised in Ohio and went to university there before getting a tech job. In 2019, I moved to Atlanta, and in 2020, I got a job at Microsoft, where I now work in compliance and security.

It wasn’t until I started working that the responsibility of sending remittances became more prominent in my life.

Over the years, I’ve found that pressure and not feeling able to say no to requests for cash has made it hard for me to save and budget. After I had a child of my own, I decided to set boundaries around how much money I send to relatives back home.

I send $250 a month to my family in Senegal in addition to one-off payments

I started financially supporting relatives around 2015. My mom was sending money to my grandma in Senegal every month, even though she had stopped working. When I started working, I had a conversation with my mom, and we decided I’d take that duty off her hands. My company subsidized my housing and travel costs, so I didn’t have to change much about my spending at the time.

My grandma has since passed, but I still send roughly $250 a month to that household. I have an aunt, uncle, and some cousins living there. My aunt and uncle don’t work. She’s older, and he has eyesight issues. They use the money I send to buy groceries.

I also make one-off payments when needs arise, like when someone is sick and needs a prescription or when someone’s getting married.

In 2023, 10% of Senegal’s GDP came from remittances sent from the diaspora. There are money transfer agencies on every corner in Sengalese neighhorhoods. All the families I know in Senegal with relatives abroad have received money from those family members at some point.

The cost of living has gone up in Senegal, and job opportunities are few and far between.

I have several friends in the US from Senegal who send money home monthly. One friend finances her brother’s education.

The remittances I’ve sent have sometimes been linked to cultural pressure

Other people don’t always understand how remittances factor into my life.

I once talked to a financial advisor about my expenses. I showed him my Excel sheet, which included payments to relatives back home. He told me with my paycheck, I should be able to max out my Roth IRA and created a plan involved saying no to supporting my parents. It’s hard to work with advisors when their logic goes against the cultural challenges you’re facing.

Another time, I was balancing my Excel budget when my Brazilian friend peeked over my shoulder and asked about the things I paid for. When I explained, he said it was stupid.

I know people in other cultures send money back home, but Senegalese culture is particularly focused on not getting other people’s hopes down. I’ve been able to build the regular monthly payments into my budget, but one-off requests from family members have made me feel guilty about saying no.

It’s meant I’ve lacked disposable income, not met savings goals, and can’t properly budget.

Even now, when I want to take a vacation, a voice in the back of my mind says I could use that money to help someone.

I eventually decided I needed to put my own needs first

Having a child of my own inspired me to make some changes.

My daughter is going to be two soon. Raising a child comes with additional expenses, and I started thinking about the future and building wealth in the US.

The $250 I send to relatives in Senegal monthly is about 3% of my monthly salary, so it’s not a significant portion, but it becomes a bigger concern when I factor in other expenses now that I no longer work for a company that subsidizes some costs and have a child.

I decided I needed to be a bit selfish, not just for me but for my family, by setting realistic boundaries around what I could give to relatives in Senegal.

I now try to stick to a budget as best I can. My siblings and I also opened a bank account and we each throw $20 in there a month. If someone calls from back home, we can send them money from that account, so no one feels the burden alone.

I still send the monthly money to my grandma’s household, but for other things, I do a critical case-by-case analysis of whether the payment is necessary. I once said no to a relative who asked for a $2,500 loan. I want to set the expectation that I don’t want to be in the business of just giving out money because I have other responsibilities to take care of. But it isn’t easy to set boundaries while maintaining friendly familial ties.

My advice for others in my position, with relatives abroad and goals they want to accomplish, is to not feel guilty for putting yourself or your family first.