I sailed on Royal Caribbean’s latest mega-ship. It’s overwhelming, but great for cruise-curious travelers.

Utopia of the Seas’ short itineraries appeal to first-time cruisers and Royal Caribbean guests.

Utopia of the Seas’ list of amenities sounds like a holiday carol: 27 eateries, 18 bars, eight hot tubs, five pools, three waterslides (and a partridge in a pear tree?).

The new 5,668-guest ship’s activities are the gifts that keep giving — maybe overwhelmingly so.

Royal Caribbean launched its 28th cruise ship, the world’s second-largest, in July. Despite its gargantuan stature and equally sized list of amenities, Utopia is only operating three- and four-night cruises from Port Canaveral, Florida.

If you’ve traveled on Royal Caribbean’s giant Oasis-class vessels, the new ship should feel familiar. If it’s your first time on a cruise, Utopia will have succeeded in luring new guests — and you’ll likely be overwhelmed.

This was my third Royal Caribbean cruise. Yet, even I was engulfed by its semi-controlled chaos.

Expect afternoon crowds at the pools. 

The sprawling pool deck has three pools, a children’s water playground, and three waterslides.

The music was loud, the unclaimed lounge chairs were sparse, and the waterslide lines were long.

I was especially partial to the two racing slides.

Utopia of the Seas has three waterslides..

The third option, a toilet bowl-shaped slide, closed for maintenance halfway through my four-day voyage before I could attempt it.

Otherwise, I didn’t spend much time at the pool deck. It was too chaotic, and I hated simmering shoulder-to-shoulder with strangers in the overloaded hot tubs.

The mega ship clocks in at 1,188 feet long. Plenty. of room for fun and games.

The nine-hole mini-golf course and playground are nautical-themed.

Lots of those activities are near the pools.

There, you’ll find a mini golf course and playground, both great for kids. Or, head to the sports court for events like pickleball and basketball. (The ping pong tables are separate, wind-proofed behind glass walls.)

The surf simulator has viewing platforms for those who want a show.

The zipline moves slower than expected.

Be wary of the zipline — you could spend more time in line than on the slow-moving ride. And if you don’t look up upon landing, you might break your glasses (as my sister did).

At least the racing dry slides are foolproof (sorry, Ashley).

The slide’s twists and turns spit riders out onto the wood-planked Boardwalk.

The Boardwalk is home to a sports bar and Johnny’s Rocket outpost.

The neighborhood offers family-friendly activities reminiscent of a beachside pier: a carousel, a kid’s netted climbing wall, arcade games, a Johnny Rockets, and a sports bar.

Splurge on sweets from the candy store. Then, sweat out the sugar high at the two rock climbing walls.

Revisit the Boardwalk in the evening for ‘Aqua80too.’

The “Aqua80too” show is set to a charged hit 1980s soundtrack.

The ship’s Boardwalk area is anchored by the water-based Aquatheater, home of the swim, dance, dive, slackline, and tightrope-walking “Aqua80too” show.

The unforgettable performance, named after its nostalgic 1980s soundtrack, is as chaotic as the pool deck at 1 p.m., especially if you sit in the splash zone.

Make time for it — you’ll regret missing the thrilling performance.

There’s also a figure skating show, ‘Youtopia.’

Studio B is home to the “YouTopia” ice skating show.

Expect impressive twirls, jumps, and calisthenics.

It was an exceptional step up from the ice show on Utopia’s predecessor, Wonder of the Seas, which I left early out of boredom.

Depending on the day, the rink also opens for free skating or transforms into a laser tag arena.

For a more traditional song-and-dance show, book ‘All In.’

“All In” is hosted in the ship’s main theater.

I rarely enjoy these staple cruise shows. However, “All In”‘s unexpected acrobatics and detailed high-tech sets wooed me.

Was it as unique as the other two shows? No — but it was an inspired and feverish take on a tired formula.

That said, I’m tired of hearing covers of Walk the Moon’s “Shut Up and Dance” on every ship.

Good luck finding a quiet reprieve from Utopia’s frenzied energy.

Utopia of the Seas has Royal Caribbean’s first Pesky Parrot bar. 

So, you’ve sent the youngsters to the children’s club. Now what?

Well, you’re never far from the ship’s 16 bars, six of which are in the mall-like Royal Promenade.

The tiki-themed Pesky Parrot is great for frozen drinks and conversing with the animatronic parrot. Or, grab a drink at Rising Tide, a platform that levitates between the Royal Promenade to Central Park throughout the day.

Boardwalk is for excitable children as Central Park is for overwhelmed parents.

Central Park has stores, a complimentary café, specialty restaurants, a bar, and pockets of seating tucked among the shrubbery. 

Its plant-engulfed benches and restaurants are cocooned from the rest of Utopia, save for the looming echoes from the overhead pools.

It’s Utopia’s calmest section and a great place to play chess, listen to live jazz, or indulge in a glass of bubbles.

(Most cocktails are about $14. Wines and beers start at about $8 each.)

If the bars aren’t enough, the ship also hosts themed parties.

The Boleros bar has a dance floor led by a band. 

Relive your young 20s with a silent toga and “Royal Kappa Chi.”

For a less collegiate affair, lace up your dancing shoes for the cover band-directed Music Hall or the Latin band-led Boleros.

Otherwise, your only option for an adult-only reprieve will be the Solarium.

Utopia has almost no adult-only zones, save for the Solarium lounge’s pools and hot tubs.

It’s indoors, tucked under a glass-paneled dome. So, if you want to relax without the kids, you’ll have to contend with the ever-present smell of chlorine and the lack of unfettered sunlight.

It’s located near the Solarium Bistro, a contemporary Mediterranean-Californian restaurant with a breakfast buffet.

El Loco Fresh offers Mexican-inspired fare like quesadillas and braised meats.

Its morning crowds are typically less chaotic than Windjammer, the primary all-day buffet, and El Loco Fresh, the Mexican-inspired buffet with long lunch lines.

The former serves relatively diverse options, such as an Indian-themed night.

You’ll have some great meals on Utopia.

The main dining room’s staple includes prime rib served with mashed potatoes and vegetables.

I ate most of my evening meals in the main dining room.

The menu rotates daily. Order the prime rib when available — it’s one of the best I’ve had.

Other complimentary venues include the Boardwalk’s hot dog stand (pass) and the two cafés (smash, especially the soup at Central Park’s café).

Grab a drunk slice of pizza from Royal Promenade’s Sorrento’s or a mid-swim snack from the poolside Spare Tire.

17 of the ship’s 27 dining options cost extra.

Izumi’s omakase dinner costs about $155 per person.

They’re as small as $6 shave ice and as hefty as $155 per person omakase at Izumi.

Or, splurge on the Japanese restaurant’s other options: teppanyaki, sushi, and bento box takeout.

Sit down for a bowl of pasta and glass of wine at the two-deck Giovanni’s Italian Kitchen.

Utopia of the Seas has 17 specialty dining options, such as Johnny Rockets. 

The terrace has a great view of the Boardwalk, where you can similarly pay for a burger from Johnny Rockets or wings from the adjacent sports bar.

For American fare, the ship has returning favorites like 150 Central Park (upscale and modern) and Chops Grille (a steakhouse).

Royal Railway was fully booked weeks before my voyage.

Head to The Mason Jar for Southern comfort and Hooked Seafood for coastal classics.

Or, opt for the cruise line’s first Royal Railway, an interactive train-themed restaurant that’s as hard to book as it is pricey, starting at $120 per person.

You could try a new restaurant and bar every day without hitting any repeats.

Games at the arcade cost extra

The options to pass the time on Utopia are seemingly endless, from the four slides to arcade games to bar-hosted karaoke and trivia.

Not once did I sit still, wondering if I’d run out of things to do.

Instead the opposite — I intermittently retreated to my cabin, overwhelmed with decision paralysis.

If you’re a hyperactive child, Utopia will be perfect. If you’re seeking a quiet cruise, Utopia could be your worst nightmare.

Royal Caribbean’s Utopia of the Seas docked at the company’s private island, Perfect Day at CocoCay.

If your family includes both active children and activity-reluctant parents, the floating summer state fair might still be a great option.

You won’t be aboard Utopia longer than four days, enough time for kids to stay engaged with its amenities. It’s a great trial run for cruise-curious travelers, especially those who might enjoy giant activity-packed ships.

A four-night Utopia voyage in 2025 currently starts at about $650 per person.