I thought I preferred texting to phone calls. While in a long-distance relationship, I realized how much I missed talking on the phone with friends.

When Hannah Wilkinson and her partner started dating, most of their communication was over the phone.

When an unknown number calls my phone, it feels as anxiety-inducing as someone kicking down my front door and barging into my house. It’s ridiculous, I know. But, like 61% of 18- to 34-year-olds, texting has always been my preferred method of communication.

That changed when I met my partner and saw how differently he interacted with his friends. There’s an eight-year age gap between us — he’s 39 and I’m 31 — but since we’re both in our 30s, it’s never felt polarizing.

Culturally, we had very similar childhoods and are part of the last generation to remember life before smartphones. But as technology has evolved, so have our communication habits — and that’s where our styles start to differ.

We got to know each other over the phone

Before my relationship with him, dating in London had been an entirely different experience. I had more “pen pals” than I could count, with most dating app conversations never making it past the digital world into real life.

Our relationship began as a long-distance romance — he lived in Australia while I was in the UK — so communication was all we had. From the start, how he kept in touch with me differed from anyone I’d dated. Despite the challenging time difference, he’d call whenever he had a spare moment. He preferred talking on the phone over texting, and over time I grew to prefer it, too.

We built our relationship through phone calls, and despite now living together full-time, it’s still our preferred way to communicate when we’re apart. While texting used to be my natural reflex, the transition felt surprisingly easy. If anything, it sparked a desire for real-time communication to make a comeback in other areas of my life.

My partner regularly talks on the phone with his friends, too

My partner picks up the phone at least once a week to chat with his friends about their latest updates, the news, or football scores. Culturally, we often assume men are less connected, with research showing that 27% of men have no close friends at all. But interestingly, 45% of men prefer phone calls, compared to only 29% of women.

How I connect with my friends is different from how he catches up with his, but I didn’t realize what I was missing until he and I got together. I can still remember the landline numbers of my childhood best friends. Back then, you’d call to arrange a meeting spot, and no matter the weather, they’d always show up.

Nowadays, my friends and I have fallen into a cycle of sending monthly, Ulysses-length voice notes to update each other on our lives. Booking time to meet up requires six months’ notice, as most weekends are packed with weddings, baby showers, or family commitments.

We still message regularly, showing our affection through memes, recipes, and Instagram comments — a new modern love language.

But after spending the past year traveling full-time and being away from my closest friends, I’ve realized these cyber exchanges aren’t enough to bridge the gap. I miss real connection.

I realized how much I miss talking on the phone with my friends

For my friends and me, a phone call (when it happens) is a bigger event, often lasting at least an hour, because there’s so much to catch up on. Scheduling a call feels daunting, like an activity that needs to be planned far in advance to avoid disrupting anyone’s busy schedule.

Yet, I’d love my day to be interrupted by the spontaneous act of checking in. To me, having someone call just because they were “thinking of you” is as delightful as receiving a surprise bouquet of flowers.

I’ve recently decided to put my money where my mouth is by reaching out to the people I love. The result: my social batteries are adequately topped up, and I feel a renewed sense of closeness.

What’s more, I’ve now started receiving calls out of the blue — a friend on her lunch break, another driving home from her high school teaching job, and a third calling from a family holiday in Greece.

I’m excited to have resurfaced this style of communication in my life. It’s taught me to be unafraid of seeking — and asking for — more from my friendships, while reminding me that help, laughter, and support are always just a call away.