I was so exhausted after a toddler sleep regression I checked myself in for a weekend sleep-cation

The author (not pictured) checked into a hotel to catch up on sleep.

Maybe it was my daughter getting her final molars in, maybe it was potty training. Whatever the reason, my 2-year-old recently had a sleep regression and started waking up several times each night.

While she returned to bed, I had a hard time falling back to sleep and, after a week, felt exhausted.

I saw that a resort at a nearby hotel was marketing “deep, regenerative sleep” and asked my mom to watch my daughter for a night while I took myself on a sleep-cation.

I don’t feel guilty about taking care of myself

I checked into Murrieta Hot Springs Resort to try out their high-tech beds, sleep rituals, and the on-site spa that offered a so-called “Serious Sleep” massage.

Some of my mom-friends take time away without their kids but complain of the “mom guilt” that makes it difficult for them to enjoy it. I’ve never understood that — I don’t feel guilty for taking care of myself.

What I do feel mom guilt over is when I don’t show up as my best self for my daughter, like when my patience runs short because I’m tired. I can only be a great parent when I’m taking good care of myself, as well as her. When I make time to decompress and catch up on rest, I always come back as a better mom. So, I didn’t hesitate to head off on a sleep-cation earlier this month.

I checked into the adults-only “King Sleep Room” which features an advanced Bryte Balance bed. A QR code on the nightstand led me to connect with the bed to select my desired firmness and sign up to get a sleep report the next morning. On a “sleep tray” in my room were two pamphlets that outlined the resort’s sleep recommendations. In the interest of maximizing my one-night sleep-cation, I followed them exactly:

• Wind-Down Phase: six hours before bed, contrast bathing in the hot springs and cold plunge
• Nourish Phase: three to four hours before bed, a protein-rich dinner
• Drift Phase: one and a half hours before bed, an evening soak and a massage

The on-site spa offers a massage that they named “Serious Sleep” because it focuses on the vagus nerve, which I learned are the main nerves of the body’s parasympathetic nervous system, responsible for easing stress. By the end of the ultra-relaxing massage, I was more than ready to crawl into bed and I fell asleep the moment my head hit the pillow.

I woke up early, and then rolled over for more sleep

When I woke up at my usual 6 a.m., I took the opportunity to roll over and go back to sleep. A delightful two hours later, I finally emerged from bed, rested and ready for the day. I checked the sleep report that the smart bed automatically sent me and was thrilled that I had slept nearly 10 hours. The report shared that during my solo getaway, I spent an incredible 4 hours and 21 minutes in deep sleep, the stage when the body focuses on physical repair and restoration.

While I was previously aware of the architecture of sleep, that there are four sleep stages and each cycle through the stages takes between an hour and a half and two hours to complete, I didn’t realize how essential it was to have those cycles happen undisrupted. When sleep is fragmented — like being briefly woken by the squeals of a toddler having a bad dream — you lose some of the restorative benefits of sleep. On my sleep-cation, I began to understand that this is why at home I was still waking up feeling tired no matter how early I went to bed.

I had expected to be sleep-deprived during those first few months having a newborn, but I didn’t realize that even after she was sleeping through the night, my own sleep wasn’t going back to what it was before. A study showed that sleep doesn’t return to pre-pregnancy levels for parents until four to six years after the birth of their child.

When I don’t get enough sleep, I can tell a huge difference — not just in how I feel, but also in my memory and mood and the likelihood that I’ll catch whatever disease is working its way around my daughter’s daycare.

While going on a glorious sleep-cation and getting 10 hours of restorative sleep won’t entirely eliminate the damage of a sleep debt, it does help. After my night away, I felt a substantial difference in how rested I felt and am going to try to make it a more regular occurrence. I owe it to my daughter — and to myself.