I’m a mom of 3 and prefer spending time with my child-free friends

Melissa Noble (not pictured) enjoys spending time with her child-free friends.

People say that parenting is the best job in the world, and it certainly is rewarding. However, it’s also relentless and all-consuming, so when I socialize with my girlfriends these days, I like to talk about something other than the kids. Put simply, I enjoy having a temporary escape from reality.

When I had my first child, not working and caring for a newborn made me feel isolated and lonely, so I joined a local mothers’ group. I really struggled to fit in, to be honest. I didn’t want to sit around discussing breastfeeding woes and brands of diapers or how many bowel movements my child had had that day.

I always felt a little disconnected from those chats, like I’d rather be talking about something more interesting. It turned out those friendships were for a reason or maybe a season, but certainly not for life.

As the years passed and my children grew older, conversations with friends who also have kids thankfully moved on to more stimulating topics. However, nine years on, kids still are often at the center: dramas they’re having at school, friendship troubles they may be experiencing, signs that puberty is on the way, or how to protect them from the dangers of social media.

I’m thankful for my friends with kids, but I love hanging out with my child-free friends, too

While I appreciate these friendships and am grateful to have a sounding board on which to bounce my parenting ideas, I also love hanging out with friends who don’t have children. The conversations are different, in a good way. I was reminded of this recently when I caught up with three close friends who are footloose and child-free.

I met them in a restaurant in Melbourne while I was visiting for the weekend, and we had a long, lazy lunch. During our meal, they did ask after my three children, but I quickly directed the conversation away from the topic of family. Instead, we talked about our careers, traveling, current affairs, and the latest wellness trends. One of them was planning a husband-free trip to the UK (I was a little jealous), while the other one was about to go on an adventure to Canada.

It may sound silly, but after two hours in their company, I felt a little bit closer to the old me. As a parent, sometimes you’re left wondering who you are and what your identity is, sans the title of “Mommy.” Chatting to my friends without kids was like having a glimpse into the person I used to be.

Making time for my friends was good for me

When I left the restaurant, I felt recharged and refreshed. As I walked to my car, it dawned on me that I’ve been so caught up with the school community and extra-curricular activities, I’ve neglected some of my friends who don’t have children. I vowed to make more time for those friendships.

Melissa Noble (left) recently went to a concert with her child-free friends Simone Turner and Sharon Green. 

Just like there are all sorts of perks of having friends with children, like being able to bounce parenting styles off each other and having play dates where the kids entertain themselves and the adults can relax, there are perks of having child-free friends, too. My friends without children are often more open to doing spontaneous activities, like meeting at the drop of a hat for a drink or going to a music concert together on a weeknight.

There are so many great benefits of having healthy friendships, from reducing the risk of mental health issues like depression and anxiety, to increasing longevity. And, just like we’re supposed to eat a rainbow of fruits and vegetables for optimal health, maybe friendship is a bit the same.