Ina Garten says redefining the traditional roles of ‘man and wife’ saved her marriage

Ina Garten and Jeffrey Garten got married in 1968.

Ina Garten has held many titles: A budget analyst at the White House, host of the Food Network program Barefoot Contessa, and the author of numerous cookbooks. Meanwhile, she’s rejected the traditional notions of being a wife.

In an interview with WSJ. Style posted on Tuesday, Garten, 76, said that she and Jeffrey were husband and wife in her 20s.

“I really wanted to change that relationship. It was really hard to do. So we took a little break and restructured it, coming out of it as partners, not in defined roles,” she said.

Garten, who has been married to Jeffrey for 52 years, added that she credits the rest of their lives to that time. “But it was scary, because he might’ve found somebody else that wanted to be his wife,” she said.

In an interview with People published on Tuesday, ahead of her memoir, “Be Ready When the Luck Happens,” Garten explained that she found certain roles they played as husband and wife “annoying.”

She worked long hours at Barefoot Contessa, her specialty food store, and Jeffrey “expected a wife that would make dinner,” she told People.

“I just couldn’t live with him in a traditional ‘man and wife’ relationship. Jeffrey hadn’t done anything wrong. He was just doing what every man before him had done. But we were living in a new era, and that behavior wasn’t okay with me anymore. I had changed,” she said.

They decided to separate temporarily and eventually got back together on Garten’s terms that Jeffrey see a therapist, she said.

Additionally, Garten told the WSJ in the same interview that the key was that they both wanted to make it work.

“He understood that my work was really important to me. We had two jobs that we both really wanted to do, and Jeffrey’s attitude was always, ‘Let’s see if we can do them both and figure it out.’ And we did,” she recalled.

At that time, Garten worked at Barefoot Contessa in East Hampton. Jeffrey traveled for work to Kenya, Costa, and Japan for a few years. Once a month, Garten would take a flight to Japan on Mondays and return on Fridays to work in the store on weekends, and Jeffrey would do the reverse, she said.

Navigating defined roles in a relationship

Barbara Grossman, a couple’s coach who has been married to her husband for 52 years, told B-17 in August that relationships change as couples mature.

In her 30s, she clashed with her husband and went through a “power struggle phase,” during which she sought an identity outside her role as a wife and mother while her husband worked long hours.

They got through their struggles by receiving couples counseling to understand each other’s perspective, she said.

And while some couples have rejected the traditional norms of being in a marriage, others have embraced it.

In March, Melissa Persling wrote for B-17 that she used to scoff at the idea of being a traditional wife but eventually grew to see the appeal.

“I no longer question women who forgo their careers for their families, and I don’t see it as a sacrifice, either,” she wrote.

“Conversely, I feel like they were privy to information that is not popular in today’s culture — that being a traditional wife can be just as fulfilling as a career, and maybe even more.”

Garten didn’t immediately respond to a request for comment from B-17 sent outside business hours.