My daughter was excited to see Chappell Roan live. When she canceled our concert, it gave me space to teach a valuable lesson.

The author says that she was able to teach her daughter valuable lessons about work and mental health thanks to Chappell Roan taking care of herself.

I first saw Chappell Roan when I took my teenage daughter to one of Olivia Rodrigo’s early stops on her Guts tour. Roan was opening for Rodigo, and she was incredible. We both loved her performance and couldn’t wait to see her again.

We thought we would finally have that chance at the “All Things Go” music festival in Washington, DC. In the months since we had first seen Roan perform, she skyrocketed to fame but left a trail of disappointed fans when she canceled two shows in Europe and rescheduled a third. My daughter saw Chappell hurl F-bombs at reporters at an awards show and declared, “Chappell is not OK.”

We hoped for minimal drama. The festival had an incredible line-up, but Roan was the main draw for us. When Roan canceled a day before the festival, my daughter was furious and distraught. Roan said she canceled her festival appearances to prioritize her mental health.

My immediate reaction was to support Roan and her need for space. However, my daughter pointed out that Roan has seemed to be struggling for a long time, to the point that she doesn’t seem to be able to do her job or follow through on commitments.

This brought up a lot of tricky issues for me as my 14-year-old navigates a high-pressure high school, decisions about her future, and the need to care for her own mental health.

Here’s what we talked about.

You might achieve your dreams but find they aren’t what you wanted after all

Roan may be canceling shows and lashing out because being a superstar isn’t what she imagined. At 14, my daughter wants to be a doctor. Getting there won’t be the same as becoming a pop princess, but it will take years of hard work. After putting in blood, sweat, and tears she could reach the pinnacle of her career only to find it doesn’t make her happy.

If that happens, I hope she corrects course and finds something that brings her joy. We talked about how it’s important to know when it’s time to walk away.

A job is always a job, no matter how much you love it

The increased demands that came along with success may have taken the shine off Roan’s job as a performer and public figure. I told my daughter that even if she loves her job, there will be days she wishes she did not have to go to work.

Many people don’t have the luxury of not showing up when those days strike because they need a paycheck. However, Roan’s cancellations allowed me to talk to my daughter about how rock stars sometimes find their jobs unglamorous and stressful. While I hope my daughter always loves her work, the reality is there will be days or months when she would rather be doing something else.

It’s part of being an adult.

Sometimes, there are no good options

Many of Roan’s fans agree that she did the right thing by prioritizing her mental health. After Roan canceled her appearances, the “All Things Go” festival issued a statement saying that they supported Roan’s decision. Yet, it is undeniable that many of Roan’s fans were disappointed.

My daughter and I talked about how sometimes there are no good options. Even though Roan was absolutely correct in protecting her mental health, she must have known that should would disappoint many of her fans. Some had purchased tickets to “All Things Go” a year in advance and others went through considerable expense to get to the festival.

Sometimes, there are no good options, but in the end, it’s important to choose yourself.

Getting help is important

Roan is entitled to privacy, and she is under no obligation to share what kind of treatment she is receiving, if any. However, I told my daughter that there is no shame in getting mental health treatment, and I hope that Roan is getting the care she needs.

Once Roan is ready, I hope she takes this opportunity to share mental health resources with her fans, who might be struggling with their mental health but don’t have a team to help them find help.