My husband was unemployed for 7 months. I had to step up to be his support system when his morale slipped.

The author (not pictured) had to support her husband when he was unemployed. 

My husband left a stable job for a shiny startup when I was 38 weeks pregnant. The switch didn’t go well.

In addition to three kids, bills to pay, and an unfinished building project, he worried endlessly that he wasn’t what the company wanted. After giving birth, I’d relinquished my part-time work, which contributed to his mounting pressure to provide.

One night, my body hunched in a C-shape as I nursed our 7-week-old infant, I told him, “If you lose your job, we’ll be OK. We’ll have each other. There are worse things.”

With my free hand, I grasped his. Two weeks later, he came home from work early.

“They let me go,” he said, shame washing over his face. “I have a one-month severance package.”

Just like that, everything changed. I tried to be supportive throughout my husband’s unemployment, but it wasn’t easy.

Ghosting has become the norm when job-hunting

We were surprised to learn that many employers were ghosters — either ignored his job application completely or never followed up after an interview.

I remember one time a hiring manager told my husband, “We’ll let you know by Wednesday. We aren’t one of those places that leave people hanging.”

Wednesday came and went. A week later, my husband reached out via email, knowing what they would say even before he sent it: Sorry, we chose the other candidate.

During the seven-month job hunt that ensued, my husband and I felt endlessly discouraged by how often he was offered first, second, and third interviews only to wait weeks for results — or worse, never to hear back at all.

My husband’s morale began to slip

My husband struggled with his confidence each time he received a rejection email or a promising job ghosted him. It seemed all of his prior successes did not matter anymore. He questioned his career path and widened his search to include work that didn’t excite him or utilize his skill set.

As often as possible, I shared anecdotes of other friends struggling to find employment and encouraged him to keep trying. I told him to focus on the jobs that piqued his interest and matched his background. I also reminded him the struggle to find a new job wasn’t a reflection on him but on the current system.

But, most importantly, I made it clear to him that his worth didn’t come in the form of a paycheck. No matter what, he was an important family member — both as a father and partner.

I helped my husband lean into routine and other support systems

Another way I helped my husband remain grounded during unemployment was to establish a daily routine. We resolved to live as normally as possible. We divided the morning responsibilities — from packing lunches to school drop-offs — before he settled in and job-hunted.

He applied to at least one job per day, totaling over 200 applications in seven months. He also participated in countless pre-screenings, preliminary interviews, and 15 finalist panel interviews. It was a full-time job applying for a job.

When he took breaks, we ate meals and worked out together. In the afternoons, we divided pick-ups since our children attended different schools. He’d worked a demanding schedule for years, often missing family dinners and extracurriculars. Suddenly, he was home and available to us. Most evenings, after a family dinner, we played board games and took walks. He even found time to volunteer in our children’s classrooms.

I wanted my husband to reframe his thinking and see how lucky we were to gain this valuable time together, especially with an infant. He agreed the family time was sweet, but it all still shook his confidence, and he worried about not providing a paycheck.

Supporting one another became the key

Many factors were out of our control during this long period of unemployment. Our support system was family and friends, who joked at our extra frugality and shared in our victories and disappointments.

As trite as it sounds, this seven-month unemployment period, although difficult, worked out for the best. Not only was my husband more present for our children and me, but he eventually landed a job with more flexibility on a team he loves.

Looking back, I know we got through the unemployment season because we leaned on each other. We learned that support can go a long way toward keeping morale up.