My son stayed home alone at 7 and biked across town by his tweens. I don’t regret giving him so much independence.

Taken at Pease Park in Austin. My son is 19 in this picture and still indulges me for family pics.

I wanted my kid to have many of the same freedoms I had growing up in the ’80s in the country — full of tree climbing, go-cart driving, and playing outside until the lights came on. My parents were relatively carefree and let us roam with minimal supervision, as long as our chores were done.

By the time my baby boy was 18 months old, I was a working single mother in the city and his sole provider, which meant my approach to parenting was going to take a different direction than I had imagined.

I didn’t have the luxury of a partner for help, so I was constantly on duty. In order to coexist peacefully, I needed my son’s cooperation, especially since he had a fierce need for independence at a young age.

I let him problem-solve, which sometimes led to a skinned knee

My son (not shown here) was one of the youngest to climb the ladder at our local playground.

Cooperation required clear, age-appropriate communication of my expectations for him and his capabilities.

When he was 2, he was one of the youngest in our local park to climb the Jacob’s Ladder. When he would get stuck at the top, I would explain to him that if he could get to the top by himself, he had to be able to get down by himself, too.

He soon became aware of his limitations and strengths. He would occasionally fall and skin his knee or the palm of his hand, but this never deterred him from going back for another climbing round.

Just because he got scuffed up a bit didn’t mean I wasn’t diligent about paying attention to him — I just let him problem-solve on his own through gentle encouragement and minimal interference.

With this approach, I successfully kept him out of the ER despite multiple spills off his skateboard and jumping from the top of the jungle gym.

The day I’ll never forget

Jude was 4 in this pic and insisted on being a dragon that day “because he felt fiery.” 

While I encouraged him to be independent and self-confident, I still felt the need to keep him close when he was a child.

That’s why I’ll never forget the day when he was 7 and ventured to his friend’s home alone without telling me.

He scootered down one of the busiest streets in the city and crossed a huge intersection to get there.

I thought he was in our condo complex riding his scooter. When he called me 30 minutes later to tell me he was at his friend’s house, I asked him why he hadn’t told me where he was going.

He said it was because he knew I wouldn’t have let him go alone. He was right.

Then he added that I’d taught him how to push the crosswalk button and he knew what he was doing. It dawned on me that he was also right about that.

That day, my trust in his abilities grew exponentially. I began letting him stay home while I ran errands.

By his tween years, he was confidently navigating the city bus system and biking across town — activities none of his friends were doing.

Other parents often questioned my free-range parenting approach, but I wasn’t concerned. We had a reliable check-in system, and I trusted him completely.

I set clear boundaries and delivered consequences if he broke the rules, like if he didn’t call me as soon as he arrived somewhere, he wasn’t allowed to go again.

I don’t regret how I raised my son

My 13-year-old son and I stand next to an iconic landmark in Austin on the side of Jo’s Coffeeshop

My style might have been unconventional, but now, at 19, he’s still marching to the beat of his own drum and we have a strong and trusting relationship.

Watching him fly the coop with the tools and confidence I instilled is one of the greatest achievements of my life, and I can’t wait to see where the next 20 years will take him.