I went to Scare School to become a Knott’s Scary Farm monster
Working alongside the undead monsters who roam the streets of Calico Ghost Town during Knott’s Scary Farm has been a lifelong dream, with a shared single-minded mission: scare the living daylights out of anyone who dares to venture into the fog.
I’ll finally get to dress up as one of the Ghost Town monsters this Halloween, but first I have to pass Scare School at the Buena Park theme park.
The Ghost Town Streets scare zone is Knott’s Scary Farm’s premier monster playground and the birthplace of the annual Halloween event, which is celebrating its 50th anniversary this Halloween season.
You’ve reached the pinnacle of Scary Farm monsterdom if you can make it to Ghost Town.
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The best Ghost Town monsters form the Slider Crew, which glides across the pavement on their hands and knees like demonic hockey pucks across an ice rink.
If you’ve ever been to Scary Farm, you know what a slider monster is. The image is imprinted in your mind like fingernails on a chalkboard.
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For the uninitiated, the most terrifying aspect of Knott’s Scary Farm is the sliders. A monster charges at you, leaps into the air, lands on all fours, and slides toward you. In the darkness, sparks arc from their hands and toes. Then they come to a complete stop a few feet in front of you.
There’s no reason for them to scare you after that. You’ve already jumped out of your skin, leaving your skeleton terrified.
Seeing slider certification in front of the Bird Cage Theater during Scare School was an unforgettable experience.
Warm-ups began with 50 monsters sliding in all directions across the plaza in front of the theater without colliding. The grating sound of plastic and metal scraping across the cement resembled dozens of mufflers dragging down the street. For me, what was a symphony of terror for many was the sweet sound of Halloween.
This was the aristocracy of Knott’s Scary Farm. Ghost Town Streets’ kings and queens. Everyone gathered in front of the Overland Gunshop for slider certification — and to put on a show like no other.
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The sliders raced toward the Knott’s certification team, which stood alone in the dark. The goal was to get as close as possible without getting too close. If you ran into one of the judges, you’d have your sliding privileges revoked for the year before the Halloween season even started. All 50 sliders were certified after three passes.
To put it mildly, I won’t be among the sliders terrorizing Ghost Town Streets this Halloween. I’ll be a humble newcomer — and a lucky observer with a front-row seat to an incredible spectacle unlike any other in All Hallows Eve history.
The monsters that haunt Knott’s Scary Farm’s Ghost Town scare zone are the best of the best.
Scare zone performers are at the top of the Scary Farm pecking order, followed by haunted maze hero roles, ensemble characters, and repetitive positions in the labyrinth hallways. Those who do not make the cut as monsters during auditions work as blackout guides inside the mazes or line control ushers in the queues in the hopes of being cast in the show the following year.
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My Scare School experience was a mix of orientation, education, certification, and reunion.
On a recent cool night under a waning crescent moon, the Ghost Town monsters congregated in a backstage parking lot behind the Bird Cage Theater. Many people were returning to the fog for another year. Some were making their way to the top. The most seasoned savored the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, which occurs only once a year in September and October.
The musty odor of year-old body odor permeated the collection of 80 monsters as they cracked open the rolling Haunt Boxes that carried their scare gear — most of which had not been washed since last Halloween.
The Scare School’s 5-hour orientation began with a rundown of rules, both old and new.
This year’s new rules centered on posing for photos with visitors. There were dos and don’ts for inappropriate poses, suggestions for keeping interactions meaningful but brief, and reminders to stay in character. Because 1880s monsters don’t have Instagram accounts, don’t ask visitors to tag you on social media.
At Knott’s, safety is always a top priority, and the well-being of the monsters is the primary concern during Scary Farm.
Even if they are paying for the privilege, not everyone reacts well to being scared. Some visitors have had too much to drink and become swept up in the moment. Others take offense and wish to engage in combat. There are numerous accounts of monsters being punched, kicked, and clawed. Security is always on the lookout for potential troublemakers.
In the dark, determining the health of a monster wearing a mask can be difficult. Knott’s management has devised hand signals to assess monster safety. A thumbs up indicates that everything is in order. Crossed arms indicate that you require assistance. A closed fist indicates a non-emergency situation that could benefit from some help.
This Halloween season’s most notable new rule involved the dreaded No Boo lanyard. When illuminated, the blue medallion with a spider on a web renders visitors immune to scares, prompting a chorus of boos from the assembled monsters. The best advice for “scareactors” who see the No Boo necklace is to simply leave. Please do not apologize. Don’t be antagonistic. Maintain your character. And find someone else to frighten.
The Ghost Town monsters went through a lineup inspection after putting on their costumes, with supervisors going over each look with a fine-toothed comb.
With supervisor approval, the vast majority of Ghost Town monsters create their own costumes and characters. Backstories, gags, and catchphrases must also be examined.
Any Scary Farm costume should cover as much of the human body as possible — visible hands, ears, and skin are frowned upon.
During inspection, the primary concern was the freshness of the costumes. Accessories that were bright and shiny needed to be dulled down. New shirts were soiled. Logos on gloves have been blacked out. Sharp points on horns have been rounded off. Newly applied cobwebs should be washed several times, preferably with a new pair of blue jeans. To put it succinctly, everything had to be dustier, dingier, and drearier.
When you’re out on the streets of Calico for hours on end, comfort is essential.
For two nights in a row, monsters in masks wear their prosthetics. Those who sweat excessively can change masks every night.
Sliders wear skateboarding knee pads and gloves with metal fingertips and steel palm pads.
Following the inspection, the monsters were led around Ghost Town to review the scare zone’s boundaries in order to avoid spilling over into other storylines. The park is littered with invisible lines that monsters cannot cross, providing relative safety to otherwise unsuspecting visitors attempting to flee.
Shops, restaurants, outdoor dining tables, queues, and mazes were all off-limits to monsters.
I didn’t get to audition for the Knott’s Scary Farm monster onboarding process, so I didn’t get to develop my character and look.
My signature look evolved into a fairly generic Army of the Dead look. I was given the standard newbie ensemble costume: black chino pants, a long-sleeved collared shirt, and a vest, all dyed and covered in cobweb-like scare cloth. I completed the look with a floppy cowboy hat.
I spent the night resembling a hobo rather than a Ghost Town monster. I won’t put on makeup until the night of my big debut — during associate previews before Knott’s Scary Farm officially opens.
When Knott’s Scary Farm event manager Pasta Berkey had our group of monsters divide into two rows and line up opposite each other in front of the old school house on the outskirts of Ghost Town, I was nervous. As the two rows lumbered past each other, our first task was to develop a distinct walk that personified each of our characters. Berkey asked us to add another layer of character to each subsequent pass, including hand movements, scare techniques, and snarl sounds.
My issue was that I hadn’t yet developed my character. That was covered during the audition process, which I had missed. I panicked and did what I knew.
I made the decision on the spot that my character would be an old newspaper reporter who would ask a lot of questions and take copious notes. I’d have a bad back and swollen knees. I had no trouble getting into character.
Berkey, to my surprise, liked the idea and assisted me in fleshing out my role and adapting it to our Ghost Town setting. I’d be a Calico Gazette reporter covering Sarah Marshall’s witch trial when she transformed into the Green Witch and cast an evil spell on the townspeople, turning them into a horde of monsters.
“You can be a crazy reporter,” said Berkey. “You didn’t want to be cursed.” You just happen to get caught up in it.”
Naturally, I had many questions. What happened to Sarah Marshall? Have you encountered the Green Witch? Can you assist me in locating the sheriff?
“You’re looking for answers. What is causing this? “How did this occur?” Berkey stated. “You’re always looking for something. Looking around at the mayhem.”
Berkey suggested I carry a leather-bound notebook as a prop that I could snap shut when visitors became too interested in what I’d learned in my reporting.
“You can even pretend like you forgot how to speak,” Berkey said. “So you can mumble and then have a bout of clarity.”
After finishing Scare School, there was only one question left to answer: how would I fare as a Ghost Town monster during associate previews? We’ll soon find out if I’ve got what it takes to work with the best in the business.
