My 7-year-old gets so much homework he has to stay up past his bedtime to finish it all

The author (not pictured) says her child gets tons of homework daily.

When I was in second grade, I used to get excited when I had homework; it meant I wasn’t a little kid anymore, and I had real work to do.

But my second grader comes home every day with homework in several subjects, and by the time I pick him up from his after-school activities, it’s well after 5 p.m., and he’s exhausted.

To complicate things, the way schools teach math is different from how it was taught when I was a kid, and if it wasn’t for the text chat a few of us moms have created, I wouldn’t always know how to decipher it.

If parents aren’t on top of the homework, we feel like we are failing our kids. In a moment of frustration, one of the moms reminded us, “In Finland, kids don’t even start reading until age 7!”

I adore my son’s school and its incredibly dedicated teachers. And who could deny the merits of weekly spelling tests, reading assignments, and core math reviews. But at what point does homework become too much?

Homework causes fights between us

I certainly get that this is a competitive world, and we don’t want our kids to fall behind, but isn’t it enough if we just have our young kids read every night and focus on recouping from a day of focus?

It’s also hard for me as a parent to put in a full day of work and then fight with my 7-year-old over completing his math sheets. I get a lot of “You are the worst mom!” and “Mom, I can’t do it!” type statements, which don’t elicit the best feelings after not seeing my child all day.

I’m not even saying no homework at all during the week, just not every day. Reading absolutely should be done daily, but those days when I don’t see math homework listed in my son’s assignment book are some of the best for both him and me.

There’s a recommendation for how many minutes of homework per grade kids should get

I spoke with Emily Edlynn, a child psychologist, mom of three, and author of the parenting book “Autonomy-Supportive Parenting: Reduce Parental Burnout and Raise Competent, Confident Children,” who recognizes that the homework level in second Grade can be overwhelming. Her son is in fifth grade now and attests that his homework in second grade was the most he has ever had.

Edlynn says that the official recommendation is that there should be 10 minutes per grade level of homework — for my son, that would mean 20 minutes. However, kids all work at different paces and Edlynn says to keep track of what your child is able to accomplish in that time and once determined, you can work with their teacher to prioritize which ones you should devote the most attention.

Edlynn, also advises working with your child to create a homework routine on which they have input. The parent may be the one who decides which assignments take priority, but perhaps your child can help determine whether they want to do it right after school or in the early evening.

I’ll take the wins whenever I can get them

And then there are those days when my son comes home, does his math and language homework without any issue and we have fun playing an interactive game to learn his weekly spelling words.

On those days, I think, maybe homework every day isn’t so bad. Of course, that’s after I promised him a handful of gummy bears before dinner.